A Little Bit More Personal

When Elie was first just able to talk we started getting in the habit of each night at bed time asking her if there was anything we needed to ask her forgiveness for. Over the years we've kept it up with both kids. We saw it as a chance to show our children that it's okay to make mistakes and to give them a voice for their feelings.

Of course we have also had them apologize to each other and to us for the usual childhood errors, and to respond to each other's apologies with, "I forgive you."

But until recently, it never occurred to me to also go to my kids at bedtime and tell them where I needed to forgive them... or, where their actions or words hurt my feelings. I guess I've never really felt deeply wounded by my kids... they are just kids after all:o)...

Until this week, on a "move day," where we check out of our hotel room and spend the day in the car as Bryce works. This particular move day seemed to be specially hard on the kids - particularly Jadon. So I found a Mc Donald's with an incredible play area and thought we'd settle in for an hour or so, until it was time to meet Bryce at the nursing home. All was going according to plan, until Jadon wanted Elie's happy meal toy. Things escalated to the point of Jadon screaming two-year-old swear words at Elie and I ("I not be your friend anymore!" ... "I not like you!"... "You meanie, Mom!"... and the like). Time out was not working... loosing his french fries only worsened his tantrum... to the point of him throwing Elie's food on the ground and us leaving in a hurry. He ended up loosing his brand new match box cars for the rest of the day... the only thing that seemed to have any impact on this little two-year-old tower of power.

I thought I handled things quite well... I didn't raise my voice and talked Elie through why she wasn't going to be able to play in the play area, even though she was a perfect saint (she really saved my sanity!!), and got the monster that kidnapped my son into his car seat without anyone getting hurt. But later that night, as I was recounting the incident with Bryce I burst into tears.

Now I realize that these kinds of episode just go with the territory of parenting. I also know that Jadon was very tired, probably a bit insecure at having his home packed up yet again, and was just a little on the cranky side... but this time I had my feelings hurt, and deeply. I didn't realize that was part of the deal... that I could be so hurt by such a tiny human. I thought that part came later... you know... in the teenage years?

And now it's dawning on me that this is when we need to be teaching him the impact of his actions and words, not just in consequences like lost match box cars... but of what they can do to another human being.

Anyway, this tantrum just got a little bit more personal with me, and I hope I'm learning something from it. I hope he will too:o).