Broken Hearts

Elie cried herself to sleep tonight, and it was probably the most poignant cry I have witnessed from her yet. She recalled her trip into the ICU to say goodbye to Grammy Ancy, how there was a pony and a necklace waiting for her on the bed from her Grammy, and then went on to share how she misses Grammy Ancy with all the love in her heart.
She said, "It's so hard to say goodbye to someone for forever. You can still go to their house, but they aren't there and my heart just aches for her. And now I know that she will never be there again. I remember all the nice things she did with me and I remember putting on my tutu and dancing for her when uncle Scott played the piano until my tummy got hungry. And she clapped for me. I miss her Mommy. All the love in my heart misses her. I won't ever see her again. I thought I'd have a Grammy for a really long time, but I don't get to. I close my eyes and my tears just keep coming out, cubie I miss her so much. Mom, will you pray for her now? I will when I can, but I just can't right now. Please pray, Mommy."

I'm crying even as I recall her little voice.

I did pray. I asked that God would comfort my little girl's heart. And I spoke aloud the promise that God works all things for the good of those who love Him, and asked Him to show Elie what good can come from her Grammy being in heaven now, instead of here with her.
I have to admit that I cannot fathom what good that is. I know Nancy is more comfortable, but I want to think that God could have given her that new knee and taken her to Israel, and kept her here with us, healing her. Instead of taking her. My mind understands that Nancy is in a better place. But my daughter's heart doesn't understand why she can't see her precious Grammy. And I ache.
If it were only Bryce and I, I think I could really be at peace with Nancy's death. But the process of letting go that my daughter now has to undergo breaks me apart inside.
The best I can do is quote God's promise to work all things for the good of those who love Him for Elie's sake... because right now I am suffering the pain of watching my child hurt in a place I can't make better. And there is simply nothing I can say.