Remembering Nancy

Yesterday marked one year since we said good bye to Bryce's mom, Nancy.

We had a pretty quiet, uneventful day. Really, a few days ago was harder as Bryce remembered the events of the week a year ago. Yesterday he said he felt like he'd worked a lot of the sadness and anger out as he was remembering that week. But he was somber and reflective as he shared some of his memories, thoughts and feelings with me throughout the day. It was a surreal feeling to realize we've been without her for a whole year.

We are talking through Matthew with the kids right now, and this morning we talked about peacemakers. As Bryce went to work Elie, Jadon and I continued our conversation. We talked about parents and kids. Elie said, "Mom, you are just a kid too. God said so."
"That's right, I'm a child of God too," I responded.
"Yeah, God's the Daddy," she paused, "And Now Grammy Ancy is the Mommy!"
"Is that how it works," I asked, amused and caught off guard.
"Mom, does Grammy Ancy have a really big body now? As big as God's?"
I had to just think a minute, not quite sure where to go with this train of thought my daughter was revealing. "Well, she has a brand new body now. Without any owies or hurts," I finally said, still thinking about how to answer her real question without putting a limit on her imagination of what God can do.
That's when Jadon entered the conversation.
"Yeah," He said perfunctorily, "And Satan has an owie bottom. Right mom?"

Shocked, I just laughed. (Jadon doesn't like diaper changes, and will go hide when he makes a poopy, so hours go by before I get it changed. He's got blisters on his bottom now so Bryce and I tried to explain that the poopy germs munch on his bottom skin and make little owies, trying to convince him that ultimately the best thing would be to simply put the poopies in the potty (something he does with ease when the mood strikes him right). I'm not sure it's achieving our goal, but Jadon's had a deep facination with the evil bottom munching poopy germs in the mean time. Apparently Satan has this malady too... )
Elie supplied the response, "That's why he's such a grouch. But he used to be an angle, but then he disobeyed God, right mom? Will Grammy Ancy disobey God?"

Now that was something I could answer easily for her. I think Grammy Ancy is so excited to be with the Lord and Best Friend she loved so much when we was with us, that there will never be a reason for her to even think about disobeying. She is just happy to be near Him and doesn't need or want anything else, and if she ever did God would see that she had it before she could say a word.


A while ago a dear friend shared with me that she relies heavily on scripture to help her through her grief. (She lost her husband) I have a hard time just opening my Bible and reading or knowing what to read, so I found Bible study. It's called 90 days with Jesus, the One and Only, by Beth Moore. It's been incredibly helpful, as we've searched the scriptures to better understand the person of Jesus. I find myself falling in love with Him all over again. I guess, being married, I forget to keep Him as my One and Only, feeling that if I do I'll forsake the flesh and blood one and only in my life. These past months of searching out Jesus in my Bible have proven how silly that mentality is, and especially as we've had to weather the grief of loosing Nancy, I have discovered just how good it is to rely on Jesus as my One and Only, as He supplies my needs as a wife, mother and friend and teaches me how to love unconditionally.

I guess I share all this because I feel sort of like it's been Nancy's parting gift to me, from mother-in-law to daughter-in-law. I don't have words to articulate how exactly... but as I reflect on this last year and all we've been through I feel closer than ever to my Lord and Savior, in a way that I think I would have missed had she not gone home to rest with Him. Of course, I would want her here... but since she can't be I feel like through Christ her gift has been the avenue of searching deeper for the One and Only... I hope this makes sense and is not offensive.